


Love and Loss

by mackenziemchale



Category: The Newsroom (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coping, F/M, Fluff, Loss, Love, Post S3, Post Series, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:21:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23449966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mackenziemchale/pseuds/mackenziemchale
Summary: Once he was finally out of jail he was hit with the news of Charlie. Not to mention Mac’s pregnancy, except that was a ray of hope and certainly one neither had expected. Life was a weird place, but he hoped it would be back to normal with time.
Relationships: Will McAvoy/MacKenzie McHale
Comments: 10
Kudos: 11





	Love and Loss

It was around one or two in the morning, Mackenzie was sitting at her new desk, trying to process everything that has happened over the past few days. Will was out of jail, she was pregnant, Charlie was gone, and now she had his shoes to fill as president of ACN. 

The only sound that filled the room was that of her pen scribbling across the paperwork she was filling out. It was late, she didn’t know why she was doing it. Tomorrow was a new day and the paperwork didn’t have to be done immediately. Doing the paper seemed to be the only thing keeping her mind off of everything else.

A gentle knock comes at her door a couple seconds later, “are you ready to go?” Will asks as he stands in the doorway. He was still in his suit from the funeral, in fact everyone that had stayed late was. They all came straight from the gathering at Charlie’s home with his family to the newsroom and got to work. 

Mac finishes scribbling one last word before placing aside the paperwork for later. She grabs her binder and her purse then finally walks over to him, “yeah, let’s go home.”

The car ride home is mostly silent. That wasn’t completely out of the ordinary for them, sometimes it was just about enjoying being in each other’s presence. This of course was different, both were in a strange headspace. They wanted to celebrate the news of her pregnancy and yet it felt wrong because they were still in mourning from the loss of their close friend. He was both of their best friends, even if Will had more time with him. Though they share few words during their journey home, the one thing that stays consistent the whole time is that their hands are clasped together. It was as if they both were sharing the same fear of losing the other after losing someone they loved so dearly. 

The door to their apartment swings open about ten or so minutes later and the two walk in. Will steps behind Mac and helps her out of her coat as she goes to take it off. Quietly, she thanks him and gives him a half smile before doing the same for him. Both place their coats on the rack by the door after.

Her heels come off seconds after the coat goes in its place and she takes them into her hands, sliding two fingers into the back side of both. She begins to walk toward their bedroom, taking her hair down as she goes. The exhaustion was really beginning to settle in now that she was beginning to make an attempt at relaxing. 

Both take their time getting ready for bed and eventually, they’re side by side facing each other on their mattress, which was still on the floor. 

“We really need to get a new bed before my back is forever ruined.”

That earns him a small chuckle, “Don’t worry old man,” Mac lightly teases, “we’ll go shopping this weekend if we can find the time.”

That makes him smile a little, the talk of going shopping together brought about a feeling of normalcy. Even if he knew she’d take forever to decide on which bed she’d want, he didn’t mind the thought of it. It was normal for her. Nothing had been normal for him in quite awhile, especially since he spent about two months in jail. Time passed incredibly slowly in there and he felt as if a year had gone by. Once he was finally out of jail he was hit with the news of Charlie. Not to mention Mac’s pregnancy, except that was a ray of hope and certainly one neither had expected. Life was a weird place, but he hoped it would be back to normal with time. 

“We especially need one now that you’re pregnant. If you think I’m going to give you any less than the best these next seven months, you’re wrong.”

A full smile emerges from her, she couldn’t hold it back and didn’t want to. “You’re already the perfect husband so I wouldn’t expect any less.”

“Perfect is a stretch… but I see no sense in arguing now, so thank you.”

Her hand slides up to his cheek and she pulls him in for a kiss. It’s short and sweet but felt right, felt good after the day they had and in the moment. 

Once the kiss breaks, her thumb rubs lightly over his cheek and she feels him place his hand on her waist, pulling her in a little closer. 

They stare into each other’s eyes for a couple of moments before Mackenzie murmurs, “are you doing okay?”

Obviously they had both been through a lot in the past few days and the past few months. He had been through the worst of it though and she just wanted to be sure he knew that she was there if he wanted to talk. She loved him more than anything and his mental health was important to her. 

“I don’t know how I’m doing honestly, but I will be. Are you?” His fingers were lightly tracing up and down her thigh absentmindedly as they laid close together. 

He hated to think that she spent two months alone in their apartment and their bed. The first two months of their marriage and he was gone, it wasn’t supposed to be like that. That being said, he was glad they decided to marry before he was taken away. If they had waited until now he would’ve probably gone out of his mind. The reminder that he had her, his wife, waiting for him and ready to spend the rest of her life with him once he was released was probably the only thing that got him through those two months.

Of course she visited him every week and so did Charlie but visits weren’t the same. No, once the visit was over he was taken back to his cell and she went back to the newsroom. Only to come home to an empty apartment. 

Mac slightly shrugs, “it’s hard to describe how I’m feeling…” she then switches her position, rolling onto her side and then scooting back against him. She grabs his hand and brings his arm around her, wanting to be held.

Once he realizes what she’s doing, he scoots closer so that they were pressed up against each other. His arm wraps around her, “I know, this day has been just a mix of almost every emotion.”

She lets out a small sigh and brings her arm down over Will’s, pressing her hand over his and sliding her fingers between in a tight grasp. He continues to ramble a little but she misses just about every word, something about family and about how every would be okay with time. 

All she can answer with is, “mmm” or “mhm” as Will speaks. Her eyelids grow heavier and heavier by the second. Today had been exhausting and now it finally caught up with her. 

“You’re…. not listening to me are you?” he cuts himself off as he realizes her answers have been reduced to hums. 

“Mm… I’m listening…” Mac murmurs, her eyes now completely closed. She was inching closer and closer to sleep.

“What did I just say?” 

“Okay… I’m not listening. I’m about a minute away from falling asleep” she admits.

“Okay. Get some sleep then, goodnight.”

“Mm…” she squeezes his hand and starts to drift off, “goodnight.”

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Around four in the morning, Mackenzie finds herself awake again. It had only been two hours since she fell asleep but something, she didn’t know what, had awakened her. She no longer felt the presence of Will pressed up against her, but that didn’t necessarily mean they didn’t part sometime in the past two hours. They usually did and only rarely stayed in each other's arms all night. 

She reaches out next to her without looking, searching the bed for his hand so she could at least hold it as she attempted to go back to sleep. However, she doesn’t find his hand like she was expecting to. That causes her to turn and find the space next to her completely empty. Mac rubs her eyes to make sure she was right before sliding out of bed. Where could he have gone?

It takes her several minutes but eventually, she peeks out the sliding glass door to their balcony and finds him facing away from her. He was sitting in the chair, staring out into the night. 

Mac grabs one of the extra blankets from their bed and wraps herself in it, knowing it would be cold out there. Finally, she slides open the door and steps out onto the balcony.

The wind immediately hits her and sends a chill down her spine. She didn’t know how he was sitting here without a blanket. “What are you doing out here?” she asks in a tired voice.

Will turns and raises his brow when he sees her, he didn’t expect her to wake up. “I couldn’t sleep, so I came out here. The stars are pretty tonight.”

She looks up at the sky and sees it filled with stars shining bright down on them. She then shifts her attention back to him, taking a moment before speaking again, “you know it’s okay to be upset… to cry.”

She knew he wasn’t one to cry but she had to at least open the conversation. It was okay to grieve, they had buried their friend only hours ago. That wasn’t easy, it never was. 

“Yeah, well, I’m not exactly one to cry.”

“Except during-”

“Except during the jersey scene in  _ Rudy _ , I know. I’m never going to live that down am I?” Will asks, turning to look back up at her again.

“Actually,” she begins and walks over to the front of the chair. Mac crawls into his lap and adjusts herself so the blanket was on both of them, “I think it’s rather sweet.”

She rests her head down on his shoulder as she sits on her side, suddenly glad that they bought a chair that was big enough for two people. A hand comes up to his chest and she gently rubs across it, not saying anything just yet.

It doesn’t take him long to break the silence, “I’m upset Charlie died… he was” Will pauses and takes a second, “he was supposed to be here. Especially now that we’re going to have a kid.” A sigh comes from him and he goes quiet again, looking back up at the stars. It wasn’t supposed to be Charlie. He didn’t deserve to die. Out of all the people, it shouldn’t have been him. 

Her heart aches as she listens to him, she felt awful knowing that Will was gone for two months and returned to this news. She blamed herself for what happened to Charlie. If she would’ve just told Sloan she didn’t have the time for the interview, maybe this all would’ve never happened.

“I know… and I’m sorry… I’m sorry you were gone and now he’s gone, Sloan and I should’ve just done what he asked…”

“Mac we’ve talked about this, it’s neither your fault nor Sloan’s. If Charlie could tell you, I’m sure he’d say the same.”

She sighs, knowing he was right about that but either way she’d still carry the guilt for a while. It was hard not to blame herself. 

“Either way, I’m sorry you weren’t here…”

“Can’t change their past, I’m just glad I’m here now especially with Charlie gone. I already don’t like that I left you alone for two months, I would’ve hated not being here during this.”

“To be fair, I wasn’t completely alone…” Mac takes his hand and presses it over her stomach, “I just didn’t know it.”

Will smiles as his hand rests on her stomach. Of course there was nothing to be felt yet, but within the next few months there would be and he couldn’t wait for that. Being a father wasn’t exactly at the top of his to-do list, but he was excited. Of course he was nervous too but knowing he was doing it all with Mackenzie, the person he loved more than anyone on Earth, made it exciting more than anything. 

He feels her hand take his again and intertwine their fingers. Mac then shifts in his lap and sits so that they are face to face. She hooks a finger under his chin and smiles briefly, “I love you.” She doesn’t allow time for a response because just after, she pulls him in for a kiss. 

It starts off slow but they both soon realize that there was a desire that had been sitting quiet inside both of them until now. It was more than just the desire for sex, it was being completely and totally vulnerable to one another. Being with each other in the most intimate form of love. 

The kiss breaks and she stands up, pulling him up along with. “Let’s go back inside” she insists and starts for the door. It was much too cold outside, plus she’d prefer to be in their bed for this. It wasn’t exactly the most comfortable but better than a chair. 

Will closes the door to the balcony behind them then turns and pulls her back into a passion filled kiss. 

It’s as he’s taking off her top that she puts up her hands and stops him. Pulling back she looks at him for a second, “is it wrong to do this?”

He shakes his head, “no, it’s a good thing. In fact, I think he’d want us to do this.”

“You’re just saying that so I’ll sleep with you right?”

His arm moves down around her waist and he brings her a little closer, “not completely… but,” he brushes a piece of hair out of her face and behind her ear, “we’ll do whatever you want.”

Mac bites down on her bottom lip, considering for a few seconds. She then brings her arms around his neck, “I want to be with you.”

He responds to that by bringing their lips back together and swiftly picking her up off the ground. That causes her to squeal but smile and hold onto him tightly as he carries her over to the bed. 

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“How do I look?” Will asks as Mackenzie straightens out the blue bow tie that he had on for the show.

“Well you don’t usually wear bow ties, but you’re still the most handsome man I’ve ever met” she smiles as she steps back. 

She was wearing her own bow tie, hers was maroon with white stripes. In fact, the entire staff was wearing bow ties. It was a way of honoring Charlie. The whole day everyone wore the bow ties. It was their first full day without and Mackenzie’s first full day as the new president. 

The few days after he died and before the funeral, Mac insisted that Will stay at home and take the time to adjust to being out of jail. Plus, with Charlie having just passed, she wanted him to grieve away from the newsroom. Elliot had filled in and Don even covered for Mac for those days, so she was home with him through all of it. The staff still came in but had the option of leaving if they felt it best. Mackenzie was the one giving orders during those few days and she didn’t give a damn what Pruitt had to say about it. Thankfully, he never did.

The first thing she did this morning was come in with bow ties directly from Nancy and pass them out to everyone. They were straight from Charlie’s pile and Nancy had insisted that everyone keep one. He had touched the lives of every staff member in one way or another. The bow ties were just a little momentum.

“You’re just saying that.”

Mac rolls her eyes, “oh shut up” she then grabs his hand and begins to lead him out of his office. He was on the air in a few minutes and they needed to get on over to the studio. 

They part in the hallway between the studio and control room with a kiss. She watches him disappear behind the door before stepping into the control room. 

Though Mac was no longer Will’s executive producer, she did plan on being in the control room as often as she could. It was hard to let go of that just yet. Besides, she needed to show Jim the ropes and make the transition smooth for everyone. 

Grabbing a headset, she puts it on along with a mic pack and goes over everything she can with Jim while waiting to go on the air. She had complete and total trust in him and knew that he was going to be a fantastic EP.

The brief training session comes to an end as the show begins and Will says his opening line. Everyone in the control room stops what they’re doing for the most part to pay attention to what they knew Will was about to say. They too were all wearing bow ties in honor of Charlie.

Every staff member in the newsroom stops as well to watch the first part of the show, knowing what was about to come.

“I’m sure most of you watching tonight are not familiar with the name Charlie Skinner. Allow me to give a brief introduction to him. Charlie Skinner was president here at Atlantis Cable News. Before that he was a reporter during the Gulf War and before that, he was a marine. Just this past Monday, our beloved president and close friend passed away. He was one of the greatest men I’ve ever had the honor of knowing and was the one who orchestrated the rebirth of  _ News Night _ . Tonight, myself and the entire staff of Atlantis Cable News are wearing bow ties, an accessory he wore everyday, in his honor. He will be greatly missed.”

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The show ends with a title card showcasing a picture of Charlie with the words “ _ In Loving Memory of former ACN president, Charlie Skinner”. _

Mac sits in Will’s chair in his office as she waits for him to change in the bathroom. Thankfully, her hours weren’t any longer than his which meant they could still show up and go home together. 

Confusion begins to grow as more time ticks by and Will still wasn’t out of the bathroom. Another couple of minutes and worry begins to grow. Images of him on the bathroom floor of his hold apartment covered in blood from when he overdosed flash in her mind and she quickly jumps up from the chair. 

“Billy? Billy are you alright in there?” she questions as she begins to knock. She didn’t want to barge in on him, but she was really only seconds away from doing just that. 

When no answer comes, she opens the door only to find him standing over something at the sink. He seemed fine, he wasn’t covered in blood, he didn’t look hurt. 

“Billy?” she questions as she approaches him. 

Mac looks down and realizes what it was that he had been staring at, Charlie’s bow tie. 

She places a hand on his shoulder and he suddenly turns and brings his arms around her. He was close to just completely breaking down.

Mac was slightly taken back by this, but she brings her arms around him and makes her embrace tight. One hand then moves directly to his back, beginning to rub slowly along it.

“He was supposed to be here” Will utters, holding on to her like he was going to lose her too.

She wasn’t completely positive but she had a feeling that he was crying. Like he mentioned, he wasn’t the type, but this was his best friend after all. She had a feeling that it was only a matter of time until he let himself feel sad about this. It just wasn’t something she was expecting right this moment.

Mac glances up at the ceiling, “I know, I know” she whispers and continues rubbing her hand along his back. It was extremely difficult to keep herself together, but she knew she had to do it for him. One of them needed to be stable if the other was a mess. 

Eventually, he pulls himself back together and slowly pulls back from her hug. His eyes were slightly red and so were his cheeks. Mac reaches out and wipes away a tear that had fallen down while pulling away. “Are you okay?”

He nods, “yeah… I’m sorry for that.”

She shakes her head and gives him a small smile, “it’s okay. Like I already told you, you’re allowed to be upset and you’re allowed to cry. I’m just glad I was here so you weren’t alone.”

Mackenzie had never seen him so vulnerable before, ever. Not that she could recall. Besides crying while watching  _ Rudy _ , she couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen Will cry. She remembered him becoming teary-eyed from the heartbreak and anger during their breakup, but that was it. 

“You like that I’m letting myself act like a fool?” 

“No… I mean I don’t want you to suffer in silence. I don’t want you to think that you’re alone” she reaches down for his hand and takes it into her own, “because you’re not.”

He nods, “I’ll try to keep that in mind.”

She smiles again, “good. Are you ready to go home then?”

Will glances over at the bow tie on the sink and takes it into his hand, placing it into his pocket for now. “Yeah, let’s go home.”

Turning toward the door, Mac begins to lead the way out of the bathroom and out of his office. Most of the staff had already cleared out except those who were working late. 

“Mac?”

“Yes?” She questions as they walk out of the newsroom and make way toward the elevators.

“You sure you don’t wanna go to a hotel? Since you know, we still are basically sleeping on the ground?” 

Mac presses the down button, steps back and looks up at him, “what old man, can’t handle sleeping on the floor anymore?”

“At the rate the renovation in our apartment is going, no I can’t” Will replies as he steps onto the elevator.

“Like I said, we’ll get a bed tomorrow since tomorrow is the weekend” she assures and steps in beside him.

“And you’re actually going to choose one right? Because getting you to choose between three different tile samples for our shower was enough to age me forty years already.”

“Yes you ass,” she shoves him, but only lightly, “I’ll  _ actually  _ choose one.” 

“As long as we’re clear about that” Will replies, smiling a little as the elevator goes down.

“We are” Mac replies and rests her head down on his shoulder, looping their arms together as they wait to get to the lobby.

The entire week has been full of so much love and yet so much loss. It seemed to somehow last longer than seven days and it wasn’t even quite over yet. What mattered to both of them though, was that they had each other. They were going to get through this difficult time together.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me start by saying that I realize I’ll probably receive a few comments about the end with Will being more vulnerable than we ever saw him. I personally like to do that with the characters I write. I hope it’s not seen as out of character necessarily and more as seeing as side of him that we never saw. That being said, I hope you enjoyed that part too.
> 
> Either way I hope you all enjoyed this story. Feel free to leave a kudos and any feedback you’d like. I hope you’re all staying safe and healthy during this wild time we’re going through. Until next time 💛


End file.
